I always viewed being a perfectionist as a good thing because surely being perfect at something is well...perfect? I realise now that being a perfectionist can be like having a massive weight tied around your body that keeps you locked firmly in your comfort zone. It can stop you from trying anything in life that there may be even the tiniest possibility of you failing at. Whether that be starting a business, going for that promotion, or even letting your walls down and allowing love into your life. As a recovering perfectionist I now understand much more about why I wanted everything to be perfect. For me it started with childhood and never feeling like anything I did was good enough in the eyes of my dad. I had internalised the feelings that his disappointment had created, which subconsciously made me fear ever making a mistake or failing at something. I also believe that it's because of my trauma. When you experience trauma, you feel like you've lost control of the world around you. Therefore only allowing yourself to do things that you 100% know you can do perfectly, means that you gain some element of that control back. Living with this subconscious fear not only stopped me from following my dreams in terms of my career it also kept my heart firmly closed off to receiving love. I was a perfectionist because I didn't think I was "good enough". Rewiring this limiting belief is definitely still an ongoing project, when you've held a belief about yourself for 30 plus years, it's not going to just disappear overnight. It takes practise. Practice that I'm now fully invested in because I want my biggest and wildest dreams to come true!
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